Gain no more in '24

What is worse than going to the gym on January 1st? Going to the gym on January 1st after agreeing to a weight loss challenge with a chick half your age, who still possesses a twenty-somethings metabolism, and competing alongside her man, who is the dirtiest pool shark to ever play the game of LIFE... The bastard once pawned the family station wagon that was occupied by his pink wife and four blue sons, all for early retirement in a non-extradition country that advertised the whitest sandy beaches and CIA-level anonymity. I've lost before the starter announced, "Take your mark."

I am the mark.


Jaron "The ODJ", myself, and Cassie "Casshole" have booked early spring vacations to oceanside destinations, with the realization that the three of us have let ourselves get fluffy. If our pasty winter skin is going to burn, we might as well have less surface area for the sun to crisp. So it's a weight loss challenge! Simple and to the point; the greatest weight loss percentage from now until March 17th wins an All You Can Eat sushi meal after our respective vacations. 

We have submitted in triplicate our application to get this contest sanctioned under the governing body of weight loss contests and challenges; approval is pending further review. We have agreed to a strict code of conduct that enforces immediate disqualification if a participant is found in violation of any contest rules. Which is next door to impossible because there are no rules. A weak imagination is the limiting factor for what constitutes a sound weight loss strategy.  

Take your mark!

  

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